Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
