You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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