where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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