..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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