Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
