If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
