make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
