just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just found puke in my bra..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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