It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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