This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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