you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
