were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
send nudes
from the living room?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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