just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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