HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
