Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
