Whoa Z and x make the same sound
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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