New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
