best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
