I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
