We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
