All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
