his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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