I showed him my bush... on skype.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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