One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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