when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
