Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
