I just saw a hot homeless man
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
