don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
