if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
