it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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