dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
