Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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