Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
