the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
