Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
50% drunk capacity currently
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
