he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
