Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
