if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
