I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
