There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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