My first STD was from a foam party
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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