I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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