He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
