So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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