i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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