could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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