On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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