I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my god I love twenty year old dicks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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