She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This is my gift to your gina
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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