Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
