Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
