I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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