my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
